I can't believe I was ever intimitdated by...

I can't believe that I was ever intimidated by breaking my first horse.  I was terrified the first time I ever got on the back of a horse that had never been rode before.  Well honestly, up until I did it (about 2 years) I was always nervous about it because I knew that day was coming eventually. My family owned a farm and we had about 46 horses at one time.  We were always getting new horses that needed to be trained. And I knew that training these new horses was going to be my job one day. I was right, and when that day finally came I was more than likely white as a ghost when I got on that horse's back.  And of course I got thrown off, but when I did I realized that it didn't really hurt, and it kinda just made me mad. So, it was a lot easier just to get back on like I was supposed to do. When training a horse, you can never let them win. And after that first horse was broke I never thought twice about getting on a untrained horse, I thought of it as a game, a challenge that I was pretty good at winning, and I loved it. It was an adreline rush, and I was hooked.

I'm writing this blog, but i should be....

Going to help a friend, that is stuck in the mudd. I'm hanging out over at my boyfriends house and his friend grayson called him and ask us if we could come help them get out of this mudd hole. (Gotta love rainy days in the south!!!) But I was like, oh no, i gotta write my blog first because its due before midnight. He can wait i'm sure, heck, thats all he can do right now. he doesn't have much of a choice. But thats not really enough to write about so....
I found out just yesterday that my 20 year old brother has a baby on the way, and he's getting married in just a few weeks. I'm really happy for him, but at the same time i'm worried for him too. I know that he will make a wonderful dad, but i've just seen how hard bringing a child into the world before you are ready can make things. And I hate that for him. I don't want him to have to struggle. He has so much potential to make something out of himself and now he won't have all of the opportunities that he would have. But on a more positive note I will have a new neice or nephew to add to the five that I already have, someone new to spoil rotten! I love all of my neices and nephews so much, and now i'll have a little bitty baby to love all over again. and its not MINE :) I can send him/her back home where they belong. hehehe

If only we knew what we do now, back then...

There are so many times that I look back and wish that I knew what I know now at some point of time in my past. I would have made so many smarter decisions. I would have never dropped out of high school, i would have never dated some of the loser guys that i did, I wouldn't take so many of the joys that i've had in life for granted, I would have tried a lot harder to accomplish some of the things that I was already working for.... the list is endless. The thing to realise now, is that you just have to learn from all of that I guess. I am a better person now than I ever was then. I realise that you can't take anything for granted and you should always be thankful. I truely dedicate myself to everything that I commit myself to, which means that i'm working harder to do things the right way. I try not to ever have regrets, because if you regret the decisions that you made, you just dwell on them, instead of learn from them. And change. Thats what is most important.

In january i was...

Well my life has changed a lot since this past January. At the time I was living in Westminster with my ex-fiance, and I felt like I was living that fairy tale life that everyone envies. But just like most of those fairy tale life styles, mine came to an end also. Two weeks before our wedding date, I caught my ex with another girl. And of course, I was devistated. But now i know that everything happens for a reason, and if we were not meant to be together, then it just wasn't meant to be. And now i actually think that it was for the best, because i have been able to continue going to school, which i had considered not doing back then. Sometimes I wonder how different my life would have been if we had gotten married, but for the most part, i'm glad that we didn't. What if he would have cheated on me after we were married?? How awful would that have been? I deserve better than that, and ever since then i've promised myself that i would never settle for less.

Somtimes i feel like...

      Sometimes i feel like a mom even though i'm not, and to be honest, as much as I don't mind helping my sister out with her three kids, its really frusterating sometimes. Especially now that i'm back in school. My neice, McKinsey was born when I was only twelve years old. And even then I would watch McKinsey when I came home from school while my sister was at work. I would have to change diapers and make sure that she was fed, pretty much all the things a mom would have to do, but I was so young. Then four years later my nephew Brayden was born. By this time my sister was married and living on her on. I didn't play quite as much of a role in their life, but still a big part. My sister and her husband both work, so i would get out of school and pick them up from preschool and daycare and keep them until my sister got off of work. Even then I was making sure that they had a snack once we got home, and sometimes cook them dinner, change diapers and help teach them their ABC's and 123's. Then once again four years later, my other nephew was born. His name is Levi. So now, anytime my sister needs to run errands, or someone to pick them up from school, or Levi from daycare, I'm the person that she calls. And a lot of times I might have plans or things that I need to get done that day, but I have to put all that aside and do whatever she needs me to do. You would think that she would be more appreciative of what I have done for her over the years, but she never really has been. I have never once been paid for helping her, or even repayed by a favor when I might need some help with something. I feel like i have been completely taken advantage of for the past ten years.
      As of right now, McKinsey is ten, Brayden is six, and Levi is two. I always make sure that they have a ride home from school, help them with their homework, and get dinner started until my sister gets home to finish cooking. I have always been so close to her kids that they sometimes call me mom on accident. I love them dearly and they definately love me too, but i just think that it's unfair because I made the decision not to have kids until I finished school, but yet I have the responsibilties of a mom because of the decisions that she made. But spending so much time with her kids isn't always a bad thing. We do have fun together, and i've gotten to watch them grow up and become the smart little people that they are today. My neice McKinsey wants to be just like me when she grows up, which warms my heart everytime I hear her say it. And Brayden and I have a lot of things in common too. We like to go fishing together, ride his electric scooter or play Modern Warfare on the X-Box (which is what he likes to do and i pretend). And Levi, even though he is only two, he is so smart, and I love watching him learn new things.
    And at least now when I do think it's time for me to start my own family, I will be fully prepared to be a great mom. I have lots of experience now, which i'm sure will come in handy down the road.